Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
