So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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