im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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