Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
