Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
