my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?