I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again