Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
