MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life