and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle