I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
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