1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize