I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
