I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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