Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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