theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
