just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
