don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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