I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
