he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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