i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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