and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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