she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
