so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize