i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
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Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
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Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize