i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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