I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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