I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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