im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
