She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize