hell yes lets make some ravioli
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
