Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
