Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
