I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
