i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
