So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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