The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
