i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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