Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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