I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize