Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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