My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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