I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
