I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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