Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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