Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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