Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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