I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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