I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
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I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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