Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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