I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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