giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
