Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
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