I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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