so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Holy shit dude........stairs
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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