3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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