All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
whose parrot is this?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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