I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
