Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
