At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
