You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize