But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
