Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
