Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
