haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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