We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
