In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
