My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
