I am spending my child support on dildos
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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