2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
