Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
