he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
