Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
