The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
