I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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