i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize