bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
